TaPau .., One for the Road!

This is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question.., 'Why did the chicken crossed the road?!'
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Pak Lah - I did not chase the chicken, I wasssszzzzzzzzzzzz....

Najib - I swear that I have never MET that chicken.

Hishamuddin - but I only own a keris, not axe, how to sembelih the chicken man!

Dr.M - Apa nama .... this ayam .., it crossed the road because I don't like the idea of Pak Lah crossing the road with the chicken sleeping under his arm

Chua Soi Lek - Yes it was the chicken.

VKL – Korek, korek, korek.., It could be the chicken, it might have been the chicken but I don't think it’s my chicken!

DSAI – The chicken DID NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA samples for you to plant on the road railing just to proof that the chicken crossed the road!

K Toyo - the new state government should just shift the road and not waste time asking why did the chicken cross the road.

Mat Said - Mu tahu? the chicken afraid that I might chopped it because chicken is more expensive to maintain than the bridge!

S Cheek - I challenge you to a debate on chicken crossing the road!!

Sam V – the chicken crossed the road because Dandruff members were using the chicken as a meeting point.

A Rustam - We have cross bred the chicken for 5 months and we will rear them for another 5 years, we do not need KFC, McD, 1901, BK and the rest of the chicken in the world.

Son of Yatim - you must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said chicken shack is expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that it is against our national identity and I needed to test my new camera, so you see- it’s a WIN-WIN situation all around.

S Samad – The chicken cross the road because we could no longer afford to subsidize it.

Karpal Singh - The bigfoot chicken did it.

Bung Mokhtar - The mother chicken did it.

Speaker Dewan - There is nothing in the standing orders against chicken crossing the road., Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.., sit down!.

KJ - I did not do it, neither did the chicken! By the way, what's a chicken leg?

LK Siang - In response to Khairy – chicken leg also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford .

Nazri - Racist, racist, racist, when the cat crossed the road nobody made a fuss.

http://stuffsfromnet.blogspot.com/2008/08/chopping-cherry-tree.html

Take 5 - Prelude to OBW

What is the difference between girls and woman aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

Ancient Chinese Proverbs - Revisited

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day!.

Man who stand on toilet high on pot!.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park 'meat' in girl!

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time!

Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed!

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up wiyh smelly finger!!

Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy!

Virgin like balloon!.. one prick all gone!

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient!!

He who lives in glass house.., must dress in basement!!

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly!

Better to be pissed off than pissed on!

He who walk through airport door sideways., always going to Bangkok!

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand!

Couple on 7-day honeymoon make 'hole' week!

Girl who sit on jockey's lap gets hot tip

Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck!!

Man who puts dick in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts!!!

One For The 'Dirty' Road!

A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and watch the auctioning off of bulls.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:
"A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs & comments,
"See! That was more than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold:
"Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that`s some 10 times a month. What do you say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale:
"And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That`s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now & yells back,
"Sure, once a day!....... But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!!"

One For The Road

Rules and Regulation of Play
1. Time of play: Anytime
2. Lady golfer is discouraged from playing with the gentleman’s balls and club before the game begins.
3. Gentleman is advise to stay away from hole under repair. However, if he wish to play the hole, he may proceed at his own risk.
4. Lady golfer can squat, sit and stand while putting. However, lying still is highly recommended.
5. Hole-in-one is discouraged at the beginning of the game as this will lead to damages of hole or club.
6. It is recommended that gentleman golfers insure their club as damages might occur during play.
7. Golfers must be in proper attire before starting game.
Ladies/Gentleman : Birthday suits

8. Kelab Golf Di Sana-sini is not responsible for any loss of balls and damaged clubs.
9. Gentleman golfer is required to check whether the hole is ready for parting by dipping middle finger into the hole.
10. Please corporate with Kelab Di Sana-sini. Lady golfer is encouraged to trim grass on the green while the gentleman must keep his club clean at all times.
11. Frequency of playing:

Age

15 to 30 : Once in the morning and once in the evening
31 to 40 : Twice a week
41 to 50 : Once a week
51 to 60 : Once a month
60 and above : Forget it ... He is crazy (still believe he can 'fly'!)

........ Crazy 1Golfer

One For The Road!

From: Got These From The Internet
EANTAUTJK, Penang

One For The 'Dirty' Road!

From: Got These From The Internet

EANTAUTJK, Penang

One For The 'Dirty' Road!

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. ‘Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me’. ‘But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?’.

‘You lisina to me, some day you goina be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘TIMES UP’?

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

One For The Road.

A little girl asked her father,
'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, God made Adam and Eve, they had children,
and so was all mankind made!'

A few days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved'

The confused girl returned to her father and said,
Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and mom said they developed from monkeys?'

The father answered,
Well dear, it is very simple, I told you about my side of the the family,
and your mother told you about hers!'

One For The Road

Saturday morning, Allan got up early., quietly dressed, made his lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

He hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
Allan went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

He cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
His loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”


And then the fight started…

One For The Road

A husband and wife were watching ‘ Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while they were in bed.
The husband turned to his wife and asked, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
The husband then asked, "Is that your final answer?"
Without even looking at her husband, the wife answered, "Yes."
So the husband said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started…

One For The Road!

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later, he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”

And then the fight started…

(Courtersy of http://stuffsfromnet.blogspot.com/)