TaPau .., One for the Road!

This is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question.., 'Why did the chicken crossed the road?!'
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Pak Lah - I did not chase the chicken, I wasssszzzzzzzzzzzz....

Najib - I swear that I have never MET that chicken.

Hishamuddin - but I only own a keris, not axe, how to sembelih the chicken man!

Dr.M - Apa nama .... this ayam .., it crossed the road because I don't like the idea of Pak Lah crossing the road with the chicken sleeping under his arm

Chua Soi Lek - Yes it was the chicken.

VKL – Korek, korek, korek.., It could be the chicken, it might have been the chicken but I don't think it’s my chicken!

DSAI – The chicken DID NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA samples for you to plant on the road railing just to proof that the chicken crossed the road!

K Toyo - the new state government should just shift the road and not waste time asking why did the chicken cross the road.

Mat Said - Mu tahu? the chicken afraid that I might chopped it because chicken is more expensive to maintain than the bridge!

S Cheek - I challenge you to a debate on chicken crossing the road!!

Sam V – the chicken crossed the road because Dandruff members were using the chicken as a meeting point.

A Rustam - We have cross bred the chicken for 5 months and we will rear them for another 5 years, we do not need KFC, McD, 1901, BK and the rest of the chicken in the world.

Son of Yatim - you must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said chicken shack is expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that it is against our national identity and I needed to test my new camera, so you see- it’s a WIN-WIN situation all around.

S Samad – The chicken cross the road because we could no longer afford to subsidize it.

Karpal Singh - The bigfoot chicken did it.

Bung Mokhtar - The mother chicken did it.

Speaker Dewan - There is nothing in the standing orders against chicken crossing the road., Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.., sit down!.

KJ - I did not do it, neither did the chicken! By the way, what's a chicken leg?

LK Siang - In response to Khairy – chicken leg also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford .

Nazri - Racist, racist, racist, when the cat crossed the road nobody made a fuss.

http://stuffsfromnet.blogspot.com/2008/08/chopping-cherry-tree.html

OMG!!

I had been waiting for the moment to come. Anxiously and praying hard that come 17 July, I would be 'free' of my work commitment, thus have the time to drive up to Ipoh to be with my fellow brothers for the OBW! And this year's event was supposed to be my second OBW! In fact I had even planned to bring my family, first time ever, to go and witness my STAROBA OBW.But I guessed, kita hanya merancang dan Allah menetukan dan perancanganNya mengatasi segalanya. The 'budget examination' for RMKe10 projects and programmes took longer than I anticipated. It was almost maghrib that we adjourned the exmination and to be continued on Monday. It was a dissappointment - Ipoh trip had to be called-off.

I was full of envy to guys like Mat Saleh, Omar Dollah, Omar Suhaimi, Lan Chik, Rostam, even Aziz Ha, Che Wan and Rahim Ahmadi, who were already in Tiger Lane to celebrate the OBW. DAMNED! of all the days, work commitment has robbed me of attending this function.

But the news that I got from Rahim Ahmadi when I called him was something that really got me dumbfounded. Rostam, Mat Saleh and Omar did not stay for the 'Annual Grand Dinner' and Rahim told me that they had already gone home! OMG! Hard as I try to visualize what had transpired at the 'school hall' during the EGM, I just could not believe that the so called 'annual event' could have gone and turned 'upside-down'. What a joke the theme for this year OBW has turned to be ... BROTHERHOOD!

It was after breakfast just now when I managed to speak to Mat Saleh. Apart from wanting to wish him safe journey back home to Johor Bharu, I took the opportunity to listen to his side of the story and what had gone 'wrong' OR 'not according to the script or plan' in Ipoh yesterday. Mat was very angry, upset and clearly a disappointed guy. This year's OBW had turned out not the way he had wanted it to be! I can understand his disappoinment, after all he has traveled all the way from Johor Bharu just to be in Ipoh and to see and spend his time with fellow STARians. Mat Saleh has his side of the story and so does everyone else. I am not taking side, for I just want STAROBA to move forward and as a former STARians we would like the spirit of BROTHERHOOD' to remain intact and last forever.

When I tried to access to STAROBA website for more detail information, came another shocked! I guessed the 'sponsor' has decided not to continue sponsoring the site. Alahai! I fell sad and down and kecewa. Frankly, I feel dejected. I had my own reason why I had been shying away from STAROBA activities before (the reasons though are not the same as Yahya Daud!) and had been trying to contribute, in my own ways, at my own capacity, to the betterment of our beloved school and STAROBA, but now, I felt as if I had been robbed of the opportunity!

Whatever was decided yesterday in Tiger Lane, I hope we, as STARians will see a better and stronger STAROBA.. for the sake of our beloved alma mater. The beginning of a new STAROBA?

Cobratasha! Sinar sinar STAR!

Amen!

Take 5 - Prelude to OBW

What is the difference between girls and woman aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

No Wonder They Booed You, Rooney!

LOSING THE FAITH ... Roo looks to the skies

DRAB, dreary, depressing, disjointed, at times desperate and, overall, dull as ditchwater.

Thanks, England.

No wonder you were booed off the pitch by your own fans last night.

And now we have to beat Slovenia in Port Elizabeth on Wednesday to ensure we do not return home as the sick joke of international football.

So much for the glory of the Premier League 'product' and the squillions of pounds sloshing around in it.

So much for the Big Four Champions League heavyweights. And to think that after this crop of players, the cupboard is almost bare.

And we had thought the World Cup had come to life.

Well, you always know who you can rely on to bring things crashing back down to earth.

Steven Gerrard had said it was time to join the party. So England promptly blew out the candles.

On Fabio Capello's 64th birthday.

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now, will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

Probably not.

Yes, they cranked it up for a while in the second half when the Algerians tired but, in the end, they had neither the guile nor ingenuity to get the one goal that would have got them off the hook.

And they wouldn't have deserved it, either.

And to think the day had started so well with the defeat of the Germans.

By the end of it, England were staring down a barrel after a performance that had Capello and everyone else connected with the national team tearing their hair out.

And what has happened to Wayne Rooney?

This was the bloke who was supposed to take the World Cup by the scruff of its neck. Instead, he - like England - is hanging on to its shirt-tails.

A few months ago, Rooney was setting the Premier League ablaze.

Now the fire is out.

It was incredible to watch a player of such talent make so many elementary errors.

And he compounded it all at the end by saying sarcastically to TV as he came off: "It's nice to see your home fans booing you."

Well, what did he expect after another World Cup failure that took us back to 2006 where we stank the place out?

What did he expect from fans who had paid good money to come out to South Africa to follow their team?

Only to be rewarded with this rubbish.

Yet the men around him were not much better. And still no sight of Joe Cole.

Instead, when Aaron Lennon was replaced, we had Shaun Wright-Phillips again.

And when Emile Heskey went, we got Jermain Defoe.

And then Peter Crouch for Gareth Barry.

Cole must have done something seriously wrong we don't know about to upset Capello.

And what gets into Frank Lampard in games like this?

A colossus for Chelsea, he seems to shrink when he puts on an England shirt. And all this against an Algerian side rated a modest 30th in the world.

An Algeria playing their first World Cup since 1986 courtesy of beating Egypt in a play-off.

An Algeria who had gone into the game on the back of a disastrous run in which they had lost five of their six warm-up matches.

An Algeria who, in this spell, had conceded 12 goals and scored just one - a penalty in their only victory, a 1-0 win over UAE.

An Algeria who boasted 'household' names like Rangers' Madjid Bougherra, once of Crewe, and relegated Portsmouth's Nadir Belhadj and Hassan Yebda.

And others from Slavia Sofia, Nacional Madeira, Sochaux, Bochum and Valenciennes.

And an Algeria who shamed the so-called cream of the Premier League.

What are the England fans to make of it all?

They had been warming up all day down at the cafes and bars with vast expectations of what England might do later in the evening.

They had congregated in their thousands round Mitchell's Waterfront Tavern where a huge screen relayed Germany's match with Serbia.

When the Serbians scored, the roar could almost have been heard back in Blighty.

So the 30,000 or so supporters were in full and magnificent voice as they belted out the national anthem.

Throw in the locals who were supporting the Mother Country and no nation has had more fans behind them - twice as many as had made it up north to Rustenburg.

We could have been at Wembley.

Now we just needed the performance to go with it. But it was desperately poor from the outset.

Rooney and Lampard needlessly gave the ball away, David James struggled under a high cross and Glen Johnson miskicked his clearance in the box.

Then Lampard fluffed an attempted through ball to Heskey while a shot from Gerrard (left) spiralled some 15ft over the bar.

It was actually getting worse. And this from a team that are known for strong starts to either half.

As for James, every time the ball went anywhere near him there were anxious intakes of breath.

Algeria were now running large chunks of the game and looking more likely to score.

With nothing coming from the England midfield, Rooney was forcedto come deeper and deeper so further diminishing what little threat there was in front of goal.

The close-ups of the faces of the England fans in the 64,000 crowd told its own story.

It was already looking like being a long night - especially whenever classy Karim Ziani got on the ball.

So we came to half-time with only a 12-yard Lampard shot pounced on by Rais M'Bolhi to briefly raise hopes.

And 55 per cent possession to Algeria.

Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

And it didn't get all that much better after the break.

So now we are left to reflect on the sign on the wall of the Green Point Stadium entrance.

Go strong or go home.

England have one last chance.

STEVEN HOWARD - Chief sports writer

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk

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It was well and honestly written by Howard and I am sure those football fans who supported England must be wondering what has happened to their footballing heroes. Are we seeing Fab Flops..? dear of dear!

Amanat Bill Gates

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Here goes:

Rule 1: Life is not fair- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: you will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until your earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest form the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winner and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING n real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

The 'Future is in your hand, hold it gently'

A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor, Because some idiot stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit, Broken hearted
Tried to shit, But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky, You had your chance,
I tried to fart, And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.

I came here, To shit and stink,
But all I do, Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink,
But I comehere to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the walls....

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space...written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please! You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson...Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly!

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from Free Malaysia Today

Tokonang Den (13)

BEHOLD. Come June 11, it is the time again for all football fanatics throughout the world to enjoy and cherish - a month full of top class football matches. All eyes will surely focus on South Africa where the greatest show on earth is about to begin - where those with the footballing skills will unleash their talents in search of glory...and of course fame and wealth! Never mind the fact that this World Cup tournament will be without Ferdinand or Ballack or Ruben or Drogba? guys who will not make it to Johannesburg.

World Cup tournament though brings back this memory of my yesteryears in Tiger Lane. The one that I shall not forget.

The year was 1974 and West Germany was the host nation of the 10th. World Cup. England already out of the contention and didnot qualify for West Germany.... and that already killed off my interest of the World Cup. But the article that I read in the paper over the weekend, rekindled and ignited whatever little interest that I have on the World Cup. It was an article on Holland and their so called 'total football' - and of course.., their superstar.. Johan Cruyff. Of course there were other 'stars' of WC 74 - such as the likes of Franz Beckenbauer, Johann Nesken, Gerd Muller and Paul Breitner. But my interest was more on Cruyff and Holland 's total football!

What prompted me that night was something beyond explanation. But then I had already made up my mind and I stood by my plan. So that nite after prep, quietly I sneaked to the servant quarters to watch Holland playing Sweden. Without prior arrangement, without any hint nor signal and little concern whether I might be disturbing him, I knocked on Hassan's house - aah.! . thank God, reluctantly, he let me in. But I was lucky then for Hassan also wanted to watch the game! We did not talk much though and were totally glued to the box (could it be other reasond as well? I hope not!). The game was okay and ended in a scoreless draw. But, as reported and predicted, Cruyff was having a great game, really outstanding., the real maestro .. the Dutch master!

It was way past midnight when the game ended and after thanking Hassan, as I made my way back to the hostel, out of nowhere, came this car. It was none other than the one driven by the Principal himself - Pak Ya (Yahya Shafie). I was stunned but didnot panick though. When he asked me, I answered him in my stammering voice, that I just came back from the servant quarters watching football i.e the world cup. I expected him to get out from the car and gave me his famous 'penyepak'. But, thank God no he did not. I guessed he must be up to something extra, a bigger agenda than mine and more important perhaps for he simply instructed and shoved me to see him first thing tomorrow morning.

I could not sleep well that night. Worry about my fate and the agony of having to bear the shame of being slept by Pak Ya.., would he be calling a special assembly to punish me? could he ..., aaah! What musibah have I landed to, I was cursing myself to sleep. How I wish then that tomorrow never came or I was away in a faraway land! Solemnly though I promised myself then that should I escaped from getting Pak Ya's famous 'treatment', I will recite the surah yassin thrice!

Friday morning and without telling anyone, I headed for the Principal's room. Pak Lau was already there outside Pak Ya's room. I thought he was there because of my case. So I was quite shocked and surprised when he asked me as to why I was there! Pak Lau went in when he was summoned by Pak Ya and when he came out, he told me that I was to be sent to the Detention Class for 2 days beginning Saturday. I could not believed my luck and could have jumped for joy and peluk Pak Lau! But luckily I didnot!! Simply a big thank 'you Sir.' to Pak Lau.

That weekend was the first time ever I spent my Saturday and Sunday in a detention class! But a well worth punishment I should say!